Some feelings have no public place

Today I’ve been facing one of the things I had to work the most with my patients. Death. Losing. Grief. But not in it’s final form. I’m talking about the anticipation of the end of the path for someone.

There are so many illness today whose final destination is most likely to go toward the epilogue of life as we know it. But today I’m not speaking through knowledge, but through heart. A friend of mine, someone close to my core relationships, has received bad news about her mother.

They are going to face a long fight and, of course, at the beginning the first fear they have is to find defeat. Sometimes I feel people can’t really empathize with his/her friend’s life challenges, so we created a way to express by whatsapp our sorrow… but this messages are so empty that the one who receives them can’t has only two ways of accepting them:

  1. Unaware of the lack of “feelings” (because we can’t really “feel” something through whatsapp) behind the words he/she just accept them, finding relief in them. But that’s an illusion.
  2. Aware of this unfortunate truth of modern life they won’t feel relief from a real feeling, but from the “presence” of messages. But is this what someone facing this kind of perils really needs?

Unfortunately this new reality of the world seems inevitable. People is not just unable to empathize, it’s that we receive so many strong feelings from the society that most of us have to close their hearts and act automatically when needed.

So I found myself in this whatsapp group where everyone is giving their best wishes, but I can’t really feel to write there mine. If everyone sees it, how can my friend be sure how much the message is spontaneous and how much it is influenced by the idea that everyone is going to read it?

I always prefer a private contact in this case and if possible a call or be physically be there for the other person. And I would feel weird to write in the group AND THEN in private like I am supposed to “show” that I care to the others. Sometimes I feel that nowadays if you’re not visible you don’t exist. And it can be ok for normal communications. But with deeper topics I think a more personal and private way of showing your feelings give a better meaning to what arrives to the other person.

Sometimes silence and invisibility to the eyes of the most means much more than words and emoticons on a green chat.

lp

 

 

11 thoughts on “Some feelings have no public place

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    1. Yes Isolated_girl, we really are like island sometimes and use virtuality to get together but than as you say people begin to confuse it with reality. Happy everyday to you, following you back, I’m reading your “about” right now! 😉

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  1. I completely agree. The personal touch goes a long long way to show a friend you care. Social media is fine for many things from “Ugh, sorry about the broken refrigerator” to “Congrats on the new job,” but death is another story. A call or visit is the sign that it means something and a statement that the friendship is valued. 🙂

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    1. Totally true, in the end old fashioned way seems to be the best way in this case! Physical presence for now is still important, and a visit or a call are better ways. Luckily there’s a new trend on the social network not to share publicly every single bad thing that happens to you. And I feel that maybe it’s because people are beginning to see the difference between “public presence” and “real feeling”. I hope so as I think virtual world has good features, it would be a pity if we take only the worse part. 🙂

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  2. Su questo aspetto mi sento di dissentire almeno in parte. Ogni persona gestisce la propria risposta emotiva a una situazione critica come la perdita a suo modo. Può darsi che chi scrive attraverso reti sociali o messaggistiche lo faccia per timore della perdita e dell’immagine che rappresenta per se stessa. E può darsi che chi ha sofferto la perdita trovi giovamento dalla semplice presenza e non solo dalla sua intensità emotiva. Ad ogni modo concordo pienamente che un approccio personale e privato sia più naturale e apprezzabile.

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    1. Grazie Erick per il tuo commento innanzitutto. Vedo che comunque comprendi che sia meglio trattare di questi temi personalmente. Poi la tua argomentazione è valida e interessante, sia per quanto riguarda l’analisi di una delle possibilità di chi sceglie di ricevere questi messaggi che di quella di chi invece preferisce usare la distanza della chat per proteggere il suo nucleo emozionale. E’ bello leggere le riflessioni di un collega, ti ringrazio per prendere questo tempo per scrivermi. 🙂

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is a difficult topic as it touches a sensitive point of our society dynamics so I’m happy when someone seems to think the same. Human being is losing value and I don’t want this to happen.
      Thank you for writing to me.

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