Today I’ve been facing one of the things I had to work the most with my patients. Death. Losing. Grief. But not in it’s final form. I’m talking about the anticipation of the end of the path for someone.
There are so many illness today whose final destination is most likely to go toward the epilogue of life as we know it. But today I’m not speaking through knowledge, but through heart. A friend of mine, someone close to my core relationships, has received bad news about her mother.
They are going to face a long fight and, of course, at the beginning the first fear they have is to find defeat. Sometimes I feel people can’t really empathize with his/her friend’s life challenges, so we created a way to express by whatsapp our sorrow… but this messages are so empty that the one who receives them can’t has only two ways of accepting them:
- Unaware of the lack of “feelings” (because we can’t really “feel” something through whatsapp) behind the words he/she just accept them, finding relief in them. But that’s an illusion.
- Aware of this unfortunate truth of modern life they won’t feel relief from a real feeling, but from the “presence” of messages. But is this what someone facing this kind of perils really needs?
Unfortunately this new reality of the world seems inevitable. People is not just unable to empathize, it’s that we receive so many strong feelings from the society that most of us have to close their hearts and act automatically when needed.
So I found myself in this whatsapp group where everyone is giving their best wishes, but I can’t really feel to write there mine. If everyone sees it, how can my friend be sure how much the message is spontaneous and how much it is influenced by the idea that everyone is going to read it?
I always prefer a private contact in this case and if possible a call or be physically be there for the other person. And I would feel weird to write in the group AND THEN in private like I am supposed to “show” that I care to the others. Sometimes I feel that nowadays if you’re not visible you don’t exist. And it can be ok for normal communications. But with deeper topics I think a more personal and private way of showing your feelings give a better meaning to what arrives to the other person.
Sometimes silence and invisibility to the eyes of the most means much more than words and emoticons on a green chat.